Yes I know I said I would not discuss pro domination here for awhile. Here I go breaking my own rules again. I guess the interview with Ms. Boss got me thinking about the subject.
I find folks in the pro scene can be very sensitive and defensive when I post about their world. But there is probably a reason for that. Folks in the “lifestyle” scene can be extremely judgmental about pros and clients alike. I really don’t think there is any reason to pit pro and lifestyle against each other and see who “wins”. It seems like a very silly point of view to take.
Pros provide a valuable service to the BDSM community. Can anyone honestly say that lifestyle folk have nothing to learn from experienced pros like Irene Boss, Mistress Wynter or Troy Orleans? Pshaw I say! Men who are trying to talk their partners into pursuing a D/s lifestyle should be so lucky as to have one of these terrific Dommes share their knowledge about the fine art of female domination! A small minority of submissive men are fortunate enough to have SOs this open minded. The majority are not. Thus a potentially valuable resource is lost.
It’s true that professional domination is a business. It's true that prodommes work in the adult entertainment industry. But they occupy a very special niche. I really liked the comparison Ms. Boss made in her interview; “ a lot of what escorts do is to zone out and disconnect whereas BDSM is about connecting”. That is the crux of the matter IMHO. There is an emotional connection between Mistress and client. A ProDomme is not selling her body. She is getting inside your head. There is a world of difference. Yes there are bad pros out there. There are also bad lawyers, dentists, accountants and psychotherapists.
I try to keep this blog varied and interesting for myself and my readers. For that reason I like to mix things up a lot. One post I may talk about femdom art. The next I might talk about something related to pro domination. Sometimes I will talk about an aspect of my relationship with Her Majesty. I have found it problematic to only discuss my primary relationship here. I feel it puts a lot of pressure on me to “deliver”. I never want to feel like this blog is driving my relationship with Her Majesty in any way shape or form. There are certain things I keep private for that reason. I don’t feel obliged to put a "blow by blow" account of everything that happens between us out on the Internet. Conversely I often discover things that are fun, sexy or illuminating and have nothing to do with our relationship that I would like to post about. Hence you will find me posting about a variety of subjects here.
The common threads on “Her Majesty’s Plaything” are Female Domination and BDSM. I consider anything under that umbrella fair game. Just thank your lucky stars I rarely use this blog to post about politics! ;-)
Photos: Mistress Akella courtesy of http://sado-ladies.com
16 comments:
All the Pros I've known were/are active in the lifestyle in their private lives too, so as far as I'm concerned there is no distinction. It's just another sub-culture or area of endeavor in this lifestyle. There may be different rules or requirements than in, say, people who live full-time here as you and I do with our Parties of the Second Part which has different rules or requirements than those who just do physical play on specific occasions at parties or their romantic interludes in the bedroom. By and large, for the obvious reasons that they're practicing their calling and that they had to work diligently at forging the mental and emotional connections we hold so dear, Pros usually can better articulate and teach and interact with others than most people otherwise in the lifestyle. But it's all still the lifestyle, the common ground that we all acknowledge the usefulness (for thee and me, the necessity) and life-enhancing virtues of WIITWD. (Same, as I tell students: "the person who plays piano for his own amusement, and the person who plays at Carnegie Hall are both pianists.")
Alas, you are correct that nobody in the dayworld can be as judgmental as some participants in the lifestyle who KNOW that only they have the One True Way.
For once u r right :)
Oh, and for those of u who didn't know yet, it's true, there r even pros who have dominance in their genes, and r way more into femdom as a way of living than many so called "lifestylers".
But like u said about the dentists and the lawyers, not all of them. Unlike the commenter who came b4 me, i saw many rotten apples in the prodomme-basket. Same as in that lifestyle-bucket.
Hi Ron:
You really hit the nail on the proverbial head here! I like your thoughts on this subject. I am very much in agreement with you.
There are many pros in the scene who are not "lifestyle". The professional Mistress I served was a sub in her private life and it worked just fine. Some may prefer to have a vanilla private life because they get their daily dose of kink at work. That would work fine too. These relationships are meant to be enjoyed in the moment. What a professional does in her private life shouldn't matter as long as the chemistry is good in session. That said it is more attractive to play with someone who really enjoys it. Having a commitment to the lifestyle would definitely be a positive indication of that.
I like your pun on "sub-culture" though I am not sure that was intentional! ;-) I also like the fact that you capitalized "One True Way!" I am pretty sure that was! ;-)
Since I don't know any Pros who are purely vanilla in their dayworld lives, don't know how that plays out; but if they're doing it professionally then they're spending a lot of time, thought and energy such that they're "in" the lifestyle. Even though I'd not be a client, I'd treat them with all the respect and deference as I do The Party of the Second Part or any other dominant Lady I know who knows who I am. Understand that some Pros who are lifestyle off-duty are submissive not dominant, I do know one or two; that's simply a matter of more people, either gender, happen to be on our end of the leash and just be law of averages would include women who are dominant professionally; they're still quite fully in the lifestyle though. Yes, "sub-culture" was an inadvertent pun. One True Way is capitalized because people who KNOW the truth (sure they do, just ask 'em, they'll tell you) come across as if you could see the capital letters when they speak their pronouncements.
LOL! I absolutely agree!! Surprised they don't use the caps lock key when they type on some of the "lifestyle" bulletin boards I frequent! ;-)
I agree that anyone who spends the amount of time a prodomme does thinking about and practicing the dominant arts can be counted as being in the lifestyle even if they are vanilla in their private lives. I also agree that Dommes who are subs in their personal lives are very much in the lifestyle. They really understand BDSM. They get it. One sub/switch I know says she is harder on submissive play partners than some of her dominant friends because she knows how to push them to the very limits of their endurance without going over the line. She know what it feels like because she has been there. Truth be told we subs can make excellent tops when we put our minds to it! ;-)
Interesting... And I don't think I could stand to see any mention of politics in a nice spanking blog like yours, except maybe to encourage bringing back the lash - wielded by gorgeously strict babes of course.
Well said
Thanks Mistress L!
Hi Otto:
I have had a couple of political threads and the general consensus from my readership seemed to be; "please stop!" Apparently political discourse on a spanking blog is considered beyond safe sane and consensual. I did have a very nice chat with another blogger who is on the other side of the political spectrum which was unexpected and a very pleasant surprise.
Bring back the lash indeed! Start with Congress! :-P
I have found some really lovely photos on Sado-Ladies.com recently. I hope you get to apply your unique artistic techniques to them at some point! ;-)
I agree wholly with ravensron and yourself; the pros I've known were at least a little lifestyle. Even if they get enough of their kink on at work and don't bring it home, they're hardly vanilla.
Only pros who are really into it and committed do well in the business. It's absolutely a labor of love. Some pretty young thing might do well for a short while in a house, but it never lasts unless the fire burns in her as well.
One other thing about pros, if that setting had not been provided for me, I would be much less aware about who I am, and what I both seek and need in my life. The ladies who beat us, truly provide an invaluable outlet within the community.
On a secondary note, I hope you write about anything you want to write about on your blog. I definitely can relate to wanting to provide for your readership, but very few blogs last very long - much like prodom, it's a labor of love ;)
So do what you like with it, and have fun! It's *your* blog, so whatever encourages you to strikes your keys, let it run.
Hi Aarkey:
Thanks very much for your kind words of encouragement! :-) There is a strange balance to maintaining a blog like this. I know you understand what I mean. On the one hand I do want my readership to enjoy themselves here. On the other I also have to write from the heart and make sure the blog is authentic without giving away so much of my private life that I compromise my primary relationship. I know you've been there and totally get what I'm saying. So thank you! I will do what you advise and continue to mix things up around here, writing about whatever the heck I feel like within the general boundaries of BDSM and Femdom. Besides, if I keep the blog visually appealing I am not sure some of my readership will even notice! ;-)
It's taken me awhile to come around about pro domination. As much as this blog has been about my relationship with Her Majesty it's also been about me trying to come to grips with what happened to me as a client. In many ways my experience was unique but I do see a lot of guys who come through it with questions, heartaches and emotional/psychological scratches and dents. I don't think that says anything bad about pro domination per se. But the emotional side of pro domination can be tough to navigate, especially without an experienced, trustworthy guide. I also think spending six or seven years hanging around Max Fisch would put pro domination in a bad light for anyone. That place is so negative it's bound to rub off on anyone who hangs out there habitually like I did.
I agree that prodommes are a valuable resource for the community and for submissive men in particular. I count myself very lucky to be able to explore D/s and BDSM at home with Her Majesty. That is not something I take lightly or for granted. I know that many submissive men do not have the opportunities that I have been blessed with. So I thank my lucky stars on that score and count my blessings.
I agree that very few women could remain professional dominants over the long haul without having some kind of honest affinity for it. From what I've seen it's a pretty tough profession. There is not much easy money to be had there. I certainly hope you are correct about it being a labor of love for the good ones. That makes a world of difference and helps put professional domination in a very positive light.
One of the really interesting things I've seen is how the future of pro domming may include kinky "life coaching". Until recently GLINT here in NYC did seminars, classes, literary soirees, parties. The Iron Bell Academy also provides this sort of service.
There's for sure "bleed" between the pro and lifestyle.
And I'm with Aarkey on what you choose to write about in your blog. It's yours. But then I've never run a single analytics on my blog. Perhaps I should be more "responsive to my readers". But in the end the only way writing like this continues is because the writer gets something out of it.
Write about what floats your boat.
Hi Advo:
I think kinky life coaching could really work. How about a Domina personal trainer? Bet that would get me to the gym on time! You know what they say; "no pain no gain!" Actually a friend of mine married his personal trainer who he is now in a D/s relationship with. They both went to visit a prodomme together recently. Talk about lifestyle and pro domination bleeding together!
You have been extremely independent in the way you have approached blogging and I salute you for that! You have also been very careful not to include personal details when you didn't think it was appropriate. I agree that once the blogger loses interest the blog will probably be abandoned. Got to write about what pleases you or what's the point?
I can look at my stats all day long for what it's worth. Lately I have been getting over a thousand hits per day when I release a new post. That and whatever it costs to get on the subway will get me on the subway! ;-) As Aarkey said blogging is a labor of love!
Great to hear from you amigo! I hope all is well with you!
As far as political contents goes... I'll vote for you.
Thanks VS-Boy! Very nice of you to say! Not sure I could pass the background checks what with my checkered past and all! ;-)
Thanks Ayesha. I think we have found something we can agree on! ;-)
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